January 1st has never felt like the beginning of the year for me. I’m partial to the Jewish calendar, which celebrates the new year in September around harvest time. But of course the real new year is the one that follows the lunar calendar, which puts the New Year this year on January 22nd.
Nevertheless, as midnight on December 31st rolled up, I was standing in a field in Maine with friends watching a giant bonfire light up the foggy sky.
“What are your intentions for the new year?” I asked the group standing near me.
”Oh, I don’t believe in those,” someone replied.
”Not resolutions,” I said, “those come with the weight of expectation. Intentions are more about what you want to happen and how you want to feel.”
Elspeth, our host for the weekend, was the first to go. "My intention for the year,” she said, “is to feel good.”
I wondered why, having been at this pleasure game for some time, I hadn’t thought of that one. It's so simple and a reminder that pleasure is an inside job, a choice we can make at any moment, regardless of the conditions.
”I’m taking that one,” I said.
New Year, more than any other holiday, is about beginnings. Rebirth if you will. It is a blank page, clean sheets, an open parcel of land upon which to build our dreams. Around the world, no matter the date, it is celebrated by anchoring to what is most dear and elemental: family and friends, good food, music, light and fire.
Our weekend in Maine was no different. We roasted a lamb and danced with adorable children in a barn warmed by a wood stove. The sweet smell of the hay mixed with whisky and hot apple cider. Low hanging clouds and amplified the sounds of the bluegrass band across and rolled it across the hills and into the woods.
I felt like I was recalibrating my interior landscape to the key of pleasure, the way a tuning fork resonates a particular frequency.
A year is a big unit of measure. It will contain grief and sorrow (already two neighbors have passed away). There will be victories, failures, and disappointments. Will I feel good no matter what? Of course not. But the intention to feel good makes it more likely that I will. Stopping what I am doing and conjuring up the frequency of pleasure, the way a musician stops in the middle of a set to retune, means that when I begin again, I will be heading in a different direction.
It is surprising to realize how much influence we have over how we feel.
There’s a funny cultural resistance to stopping what we are doing but the truth is we can begin again anytime. Every morning is a new beginning, and so is every inhalation.
If you are in the middle of a conversation that's heading south or a relationship that has gotten stale, stop, pause, recalibrate to how you want to feel, and begin again.
If you don’t know where you are going, it’s quite likely that you’ll get there. (A bastardization of a Yogi Berra quote)
Just before midnight, the children insisted we join them on a march to the pond. The ice had melted enough for a big group of us to wade in. Someone counted three…two…one… then we all dove in. It stung and shocked my lungs. Baptism for the new year.
Let’s Begin Again Together
I am studying the art of intentions with a Buddhist meditation teacher Elizabeth Pryjov. A few things I've learned:
Intentions are a form of communication with the benevolent universe, which wants you to be happy and also wants you to grow.
Set the intention with the same specificity you would give a friend who has offered to plan your birthday party. (With clarity but not too controlling because that would take the fun out of it.)
Intentions are in the affirmative and present tense. I am reminded of that parenting advice to say what you want your child to do, not what you don't want them to do because when you say, "don't eat the cookie," all the kid hears is "eat the cookie."
Write down what you want and then release any attachment to the outcome. Use beautiful paper and pen and then put them away until the end of the year. Read them in 365 days. You will be surprised and delighted by how much influence you have had over your year.
One of my intentions for this year is to create more community. To that end, I invite you to an intention-setting gathering for TPR Readers on the Lunar New Year. January 22nd, 4-5:30 PM. Info is here.
Want to practice more beginnings? Try these:
Before you open a door or enter a room, stop and take three deep breaths.
Pause anytime and notice the amazingness of your breath. Inhale fully. Exhale fully.
Keep a journal of intentions by your bed. Before going to sleep, write down your intention for the next day. When you wake up (before you reach for your phone), take a moment to envision your intention for the day.
Set an alarm on your phone for any time, perhaps a fun number like 11:11 or 2:22. Let that alarm remind you to stop whatever you are doing and begin again.
Thank you for reading. Hope to see you on the 22nd. You can register here.
LOVE LAB is back. Are you in a relationship of consequence? Want to make 2023 the year that you break through, go deeper, fall in love even more? Come join us for community, research, practices and play on January 25th from 7-9 PM EST. Readers of TPR get 50% off. Use the code: EXPLORER.
Thank you for reading. Hope to see you at Begin Again and Love Lab.