Pleasure is full of contradictions. At times, it is a warm bed, a hot shower, and a bowl of pasta. Pleasure can also be the accomplishment of throwing off the blankets at the crack of dawn, a swim in a cold pond, and a day of fasting.
What motivates us to disrupt our comfort to engage in some less pleasurable activity and, how do we make that transition as smooth as sweet as possible?
I dove into this question, quite literally, this week.
I am back on Cape Cod for the week and, despite the chilly spring temperatures, a friend and I decided we needed to jump in the pond. As we inched toward the water, I noticed my muscles tense. I watched the mental gymnastics that were taking place in my head: excitement about the challenge, dread of the cold, worry about when I would be warm again. “Hold on,” I said. “Is there a way to do this so it isn’t a matter of getting this over with as soon as possible?” We pondered this for a moment and then I waded into the icy water up to my shins. I breathed and relaxed into the sensation while my feet and ankles acclimated. After a few minutes, I was completely calm and ventured deeper, this time up to my knees. I inhaled slowly and noticed I had goosebumps all over but, as I brought my awareness to the shimmer on the water’s surface and to the feeling of warmth on my face, I felt my body surrender and the goosebumps disappear. This is how I went in, one step at a time, waist, chest, neck. Suddenly, I was swimming. It was my longest and most pleasurable cold swim to date. I felt euphoric with the accomplishment of having overcome my resistance with grace and ease.
We all have our humps to get over, whether it is getting out of bed, finishing a project, or curbing the carbohydrates. How do we take leave of our creature comforts, how do we initiate that first step, and then the next, into an altered state, one where we need to acclimate to pain or discomfort? Is it possible that we can use pleasure to lubricate the process?
I once climbed a grueling mountain by looking for the nicest place to sit down and take in the view. I hiked to a beautiful lookout and sat on a rock to look out at the valley of green below me. Once I was fully recovered, I wondered if there might be an even prettier place up the path to sit and watch the sun cross the sky. Before I knew it, I had climbed to the top of the mountain.
My friend Andy is my cold water swimming hero and is a longtime practitioner of the cold shower technique I told you about a few weeks ago. “The first step is an important one,” he told me. It’s a simple trick that makes it as sweet as possible and, in turn, makes the whole experience more pleasurable. “When you finish your hot shower and as you are getting ready to turn the water to cold, don’t cringe or tense up,” he told me. “Play with it. Relax and enjoy it.” It reminded me of the research on smiling that found that any outward expression of joy—a smile, a laugh, a little dance— will send a lovely cocktail of dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin, flooding into our body. When we smile, even if it’s totally fake, we feel more relaxed which in turn means that we have a higher pain threshold.
Next time you’re struggling to get up with the alarm clock or do something that makes you cringe, give it a try. Amuse yourself in some way, make that first step as small and as delicious as possible. Let us know how it goes.
From the Institute for Pleasure Studies
The best definition of success that I have encountered is this one from Maria Nemeth, founder of the Academy for Coaching Excellence. She defines success as “doing what you said you were going to do, consistently, with clarity, focus, ease, and grace.”The ease part, she says, is about taking small, sweet steps in the direction of our goals rather than rushing or exhausting ourselves with effort. Check out her TedX talk, “Would it be okay with you if life got easier?” I’ve been learning about her process through one of her students, Zahava Griss.
I have been preparing for this swim all winter with the Wim Hof cold shower practice I told you about a few weeks ago. Wim Hof recommends that when you’re ready to get out of the shower, you turn the knob all the way to cold and stand under a stream of ice-cold water for 90 seconds. It’s rough and I’ve noticed that I am taking fewer showers ever since I committed to a cold finish, but when I do, I feel amazing, clean and fresh and new, like I just stepped out of a brisk ocean. It makes me feel successful. I figure if I can overcome resistance in one area, I can apply it to anything. Wim Hof’s 5-day course on Commune will give you a great introduction to his practices. Join me and let me know how it goes.
For those of you interested in following Steven Donziger’s case, the trial continues through this week. I was at the rally and hearing on Monday and I was reminded of how our legal system reduces players to adversaries engaged in a win/lose scenario. I’ve been researching alternative justice models for years. I’ll be writing about that in upcoming newsletters. You can get updates on the Donziger trial here.
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