The Pleasure of Play
Forget work. Go with the flow.
Vincent “Flo” Grady, aka Spinny Vinny is a coach, freestyle soccer performer, and educator who specializes in play. As his name suggests, Grady studies how to get kids into a state of flow, a term coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in 1990, which refers to those moments when you’re completely absorbed in a challenging but doable task
I first met Vince when our girls joined his unconventional youth soccer league. I was drawn to his mission of advocating for free experimentation and risk-taking through play. On the field, kids ran with abandon. Everyone played as much or as little as they wanted. There was always Latin music blasting out of a boom box. Halftime was for dancing and doing freestyle tricks with the soccer ball, an artform Vince himself has been playing at for several years.
What does it mean to prioritize play in your teaching and coaching?
I have worked with a lot of soccer coaches who insist on running kids through drills and exercises. I never tell kids that we are doing exercises. I always say that we are playing. If you want kids to get excited about soccer, or anything for that matter, let them play. You can do everything through play. If you want kids to become more empathetic, let's play empathy tag. When I tag you, someone has to come and say something positive about you. If it’s all about training kids, then we objectify them. We're trying to extract a result of some sort from them. Usually winning. Kids burn out from that.
And then there is this hierarchical competitive model that is so normalized that parents and coaches and kids tell me ‘well, that's why we do sports, to win or lose.’ So if you're not the best 12-year-old on the team, guess what? You don't get to play. You practice three times a week but the coach only puts you in at the end of the second half. It's insane. Why don't we just play smaller-sided games so everybody plays? Do you know how many kids will continue to play if we do it that way?
TPR: You’re talking about how pleasure intersects with equity and social justice.
Yes. A child who is a starter could derive pleasure from that and then look over their shoulder and take pleasure in the fact that they are not a benchwarmer. That latter kind of pleasure, the kind that is at the expense of other people, is a problem of inequity.
TPR: It's a small-scale version of broad social issues. Are you saying that experiencing pleasurable things at the expense of others' pleasure is fundamentally less pleasurable?
VG: I don't want to deny people the right to have pleasure. But when it's at the expense of other people, that’s not okay. We need to examine how we can bring pleasure into everyone's life in a way that's more equitable. So for me, the first place you can start is in the classroom, or on a team, or in your family. For example, at home, are the girls doing all the chores and the boys get to play? On the field, if you have to make two teams so everyone can play, let’s do that.
TPR: You are now teaching physical education in a public school in Delaware. What are you noticing?
VG: At the school where I am currently working, the kids look demoralized. Because of COVID, they are sitting separate from one another and they can't move. Then they go to lunch and they're sitting there for another 30 minutes. There's zero pleasure in their life in school. Kids don't want to come to school. I get it, we're in a pandemic and this extreme, but there is a way in which this highlights the discourse around how we construct enjoyment and pleasure for students. Every time I ask a kid what the thing that's filling your bucket is, they tell me, “the weekend.” I ask, “what's draining you?” and they say, “school, homework, stress.” These kids are just waiting for the weekend.
Something's wrong here. I don't judge teachers or kids for feeling like Friday's the best day, but I feel like it's a sad state of affairs that we can’t enjoy Monday. Preschoolers and kindergarteners don't really think about days. To them, it’s another day to have fun. By fifth grade, when I say, “Guys, it’s Monday, are you ready to go?” they just groan.
What if Monday could be our best day? What if we woke up thinking, ‘I wonder what all the great pleasurable activities we're going to do today independent of the day.’
TPR: What do the kids make of you and your teaching methods?
VG: When I go to school, the kids are shocked. They say, you are a grown-up and you’re doing tricks? You ride your bike to school? You’re dancing in class? Are you really a teacher? I tell them I am. I’m even certified. I got all A's in grad school. I could have done my PhD because school is pleasurable for me. I tell them, You don't have to work hard to get good grades, you have to enjoy it. Once you enjoy school, the work will come.
TPR: What would you say influenced your thinking on pleasure the most?
VG: My family is Irish and I went to Catholic school all my life. When I was 19, I decided I was bored. I’d always loved jazz and Latin music and talking to people so I got on a plane and went to Argentina. I had taken five years of Spanish in school but language in the classroom doesn't work. I don't know anyone who's ever learned how to speak the language in a class. It's a failed pedagogy. When I got off the plane, people just started talking to me and I'm like, I don't understand what you're saying they're like, okay, I’ll just keep talking to you. I went out every night. I partied like crazy. And in one month I learned more Spanish hanging out drinking wine and having fun than I learned in five years in the classroom.
TPR: That sounds like some excellent pleasure research.
When I got back to the US, I couldn’t go back to Anglo culture. I immersed myself in Latin culture where there is a pleasure principle like family, food, dance, and parties that start and never end. It would be 3 in the morning and I was like, Oh, I get it. You're not thinking about getting up early tomorrow. You're not thinking about work. I had never seen my parents dance, or party or anything. And then you go to these other parties, and like, the grandmothers are out there dancing with everybody. I was like, man, I'm gonna join that club. I immersed myself in Cuban, Puerto Rican, Dominican culture for decades. It left an indelible mark on my spirit. So much so that when people ask where I’m from I say, Well, what does that mean exactly? Do you mean what's my point of origin or where was I born?
TPR: And how do you answer that?
VG: Paul Gilroy, the British sociologist said, there are roots and there are routes. Roots, especially for African Americans, have been severed. Language, families—everything was split up. I prefer to think of it in terms of what routes we've taken in life. When I ask people about themselves now, I don't ask, “What are you or where were you born? I ask them where have you been? What's your story?
TPR: What’s your best advice to adults who want more pleasure in their lives?
VG: Stop working out. If you go to the gym, fine, but play in the gym. Working out is the worst word to use because you work all day. Do you really want more work in your life? Why don't you play out? Do something for the sake of it without expecting tangible results. The play principle is what keeps us engaged and inspired and motivated. When kids play, it’s hard to get them to stop playing. So if I had advice to give to any adult, it’s to take a break, make meditation your play, make walking playful. I don't mean playing in the competitive sports sense. I mean, literally, open up your space and your mind and your body to movement and to ideas that aren't scripted, that someone didn't draft for you, that are not tied to a tangible result.
From the Institute of Pleasure Studies
Check out Grady’s freestyle form here. Get in the flow yourself.
Here is a lovely video of Vince and his freestyle partner and co-teacher in action in school.
Read more about the 8 characteristics of flow, which, according to Csikszentmihalyi are:
Complete concentration on the task;
Clarity of goals and reward in mind and immediate feedback;
Transformation of time (speeding up/slowing down);
The experience is intrinsically rewarding;
Effortlessness and ease;
There is a balance between challenge and skills;
Actions and awareness are merged, losing self-conscious rumination;
There is a feeling of control over the task.