Turn Yourself On for Good
In challenging times like these, there’s a secret weapon that we all have at our disposal.
It’s been a hard few weeks on the back of a challenging year. The world needs some healing. And so do we.
In challenging times like these, there’s a secret weapon that we all have at our disposal: Sex Magic
Sex Magic is the practice of setting an intention, like a prayer and dedicating our sexual energy to a desired outcome. For example, you might set an intention to find a new job or house, or partner and then turn yourself on, or have sex with a partner. Sex magic just might give it to you.
There are myriad ways to practice sex magic. Some techniques involve repeating mantras during orgasm or envisioning geometric symbols to help focus energy. You could create a sacred space by lighting candles or writing desires on paper. This is a solo or partnered practice with no rules and, like everything having to do with sex, it is different for everyone.
It’s an ancient practice used to heal broken hearts and broken bones, bring on rain or turn back an advancing army. Kings and sultans used it to solidify their power or ask for a safe passage to the afterlife. Ancient Egyptians used masturbation rituals to keep the Nile flowing. Much of this documentation has been lost to censorship, from medieval Crusaders burning libraries to museum curators hiding evidence in moldy basements.
While the science of sex magic remains to be studied, the anecdotal evidence and historical precedent are compelling enough to suggest we might conduct some modern experiments. We already know that when we increase your sexual arousal, our parasympathetic nervous system begins down-regulating (or calming) the body. In orgasmic states, dopamine and oxytocin are released, reducing our sensitivity to pain (by half, according to one study) and increasing our feelings of goodwill and connection. There is even speculation that orgasm releases DMT, the “God molecule” released during psychedelic and ecstatic experiences.
I first learned about Sex Magic alongside 800 women at a theater on Broadway. We had gathered from 12 countries and 47 different states to study with Regena Tomashauer (aka MamaGena) of The School of Womanly Arts. We had spent the previous four weekends learning how to harness our sexual energy and to embrace the full range of our emotional expression. On our final day together, Stanford-trained sex educator Layla Martin stood onstage wearing a sparkling minidress and her signature red lipstick and led us through a final ritual to bless our desires with our collective sexual energy. As we inhaled and exhaled with loud sighs, she invited us to juice ourselves up by touching our bodies with love and intention. As the energy in the room rose to a crescendo, she asked us to speak our desires aloud. From across the theater, I heard women ask for babies, for loving partners, world peace and inner peace, for money, to be seen and heard, for the end to mass incarceration, a ride to the airport. My skin felt electric, my heart felt enormous. The Pleasure Report was one of the desires I spoke aloud that day. As women streamed out into the city after that closing session, I felt a brand new sense of possibility. If someone had told me that there was seismic activity reported that afternoon at Broadway and 49th, I would not have been surprised.
Sex magic involves human sexuality, to be sure. But it isn’t just about sex. It’s about bringing our juicy aliveness, the essence of what makes us human, into service of the highest good.
We’ve made our phone calls, we’ve registered voters, we’ve marched, we’ve voted. And there is still a long road ahead of us. Let’s not hold our breath to see what news this next week will bring. Rather, let’s inhale and exhale deeply, pleasurably and bring it on.
The Institute of Pleasure Studies
Watch: Layla Martin got a degree in Human Sexuality from Stanford before spending ten years studying Tantra. She and her partner Andrew make well-produced, accessible, charming content at LaylaMartin.com. There is a video from her that will take you deeper into the practice.
Read: A good primer for anyone wanting to explore Tantra. Margot Anand has been leading the way for decades. Her book, The Art of Everyday Ecstasy is a classic in this field.
Listen: The Sex Magic podcast has been exploring sacred sexuality for two years. This episode explores learning how to combine edging and breathwork with solo, and partnered practices. And a shout out to cold showers.
Study: For Women: Lauren Harkness is one of my favorite teachers. She is starting her virtual class Erotic Sovereignty in February. I have taken this class twice now. “Our bodies are an instrument,” she says. “The more we practice our scales and learn how music moves through us, the better music we can make with others and life itself.”
